We’ve Got Rainbows. We’ve Got Unicorns. We’ve Got… a Boyfriend?

dating after divorce divorced mom single new relationship boyfriend happy potential exlusive

One month ago today I mentioned an intriguing dating situation. Wow, has it only been one month? Because, let me tell you, I’ve met someone and I really, really, REALLY like him and I am not freaked out at all. I feel like I’ve known him a lot longer than I have. We’re in that great rainbows and unicorns and sunshine and roses and chocolate stage that I thought only existed in other people’s lives (ok, I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it existed at all, I always thought other people were just pretending about how great a new relationship could be. I mean, come on  – as if.).

This is going to be a detail-sparse blog post – I have so much to share with you but, for once, have no idea how to put it into words. And, for the first time, I don’t even want to write too much about a person I’ve met. Not because of jinxing, though that possibility still kind of pokes me in the brain every now and again, but because I feel like there’s a MORE to this than with anyone else I’ve ever met and I feel like I’m truly in a relationship, which means I should keep most of the details between me and him. Because I sense a future, and I hope that future is more than just a couple of months, I don’t know… I could go on and on about him in person, but it somehow doesn’t feel right to be dishing about him here. Exhibit A to help convince you I care about him.

I want to simultaneously laugh and cringe when I read my last post about the man I thought I liked a lot – having this new experience shows me, um, yeah, no… I didn’t REALLY like that guy (Mr. Thoughtful – who turned out to not be at all thoughtful) or any other guy I’ve dated since my divorce. I wrote that I was freaked out that I liked Mr. Thoughtful, and in hindsight that nervousness was for good reason. Chemistry was off, we didn’t make plans more than a few days in advance, and I think I could tell we weren’t terribly interested in each other, which caused that unsettled/freaked out feeling, et cetera, et cetera .

What I will share about my new situation:

– The new man and I are exclusively dating each other. He brought it up on our fourth date and I wholeheartedly agreed to it; I already knew I had no interest in dating anyone but him. Hmmm, does this mean I have… a boyfriend??

– It’s assumed we will spend our kid-free time with each other, but I don’t feel like there’s pressure to be stuck hip-to-hip every moment. If I need to work or want to go out with friends, great. If he’s doing the same with his own friends and job, that’s great, too. We’ve made plans to be together not just days in advance but weeks. We seem to be on the same page in hoping/thinking we’ll still be together in a month or more.

– He is a divorced parent, too. We have the same weekends and most weeknights off from parenting duties, which is amazing in terms of having opportunities to get to know each other better.

– He’s super smart, unbelievably sweet, funny, and somehow gets more attractive each time I see him. He leaves no question in my mind as to how he feels about me and I hope I’m successful in making sure he knows how I feel, as well.

– Our lifestyles seem to be quite similar in ways I didn’t appreciate were valuable until I went through my divorce and realized I had nothing in common with my ex.

– We both seem slightly stunned, in a good way, to have had the good fortune to meet each other.

– I’ve met some of his friends already (and while I was nervous, it also made me feel like he thinks I’ll be in his life a while) and if he didn’t have his kids today, I wouldn’t have hesitated to invite him to my sister’s for our Memorial Day gathering. Mind you, I’m not ready for him to meet my kids and I’m sure he’s not ready for me to meet his, but it’s something I’ve certainly thought about if things continue along so well for another couple of months. It would certainly help in the future when I have five days in a row with my kids which, for now, means five days of not seeing him. And five days is a longggg time.

– The only thing that freaks me out about this situation is how unfreaked out I am. I have never had a fledgling relationship where doubt and insecurity and uncertainly weren’t a part of the foundation. I have momentary flashes of, “This is too good to be true,” or “I don’t deserve this,” but overall, I’m enjoying how easy and comfortable everything is. And I don’t believe I can jinx it because nothing about this feels like we’re leaving things up to chance.

I completely acknowledge that there are no guarantees in life, and that there is a chance that there’s a blog post in my future about how I couldn’t believe I ever liked this man, either, after he crushes my heart, but I don’t know… it feels different now. Dating really is a learning game – each guy you meet makes you realize what you do and don’t want, and is a building block to the self-awareness needed to recognize when you do meet someone who fits much better.

I wouldn’t have been ready for this guy a year ago or even six months ago. I needed distance from my divorce and to date the men I dated before him to be able to recognize this man’s sincerity; I would have still been too jaded to believe he was being honest. He’s a good one, and I am doing what I can to make sure I’m just as good to him in return.

Rainbow and unicorns image by charlie vinz used under creative commons license. Slightly modified by me.

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8 thoughts on “We’ve Got Rainbows. We’ve Got Unicorns. We’ve Got… a Boyfriend?

  1. I casually used the term “boyfriend” today, and I didn’t even choke on it! Surprised myself! I’m 1.5 yrs into single life after a 20+ year marriage. The last boyfriend took that word down a bad path and decided he owned me. And my time. And all my attention. Thus my healthy fear of the word, which is going back in its box for awhile. I am not ready, even though the new dude is absolutely delightful and has not waved a single red flag.

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