I’m getting dumped today. Well, if not today, then sometime very late at night or tomorrow. The guy in question, the first guy I’ve dated and truly liked since my divorce last year, took 11 hours to respond to a fairly important message I sent him yesterday, and when he finally did he said he would write to me today, because he needed time to craft a very thoughtful reply. He could have just sent me an animated gif with neon text flashing “I’m breaking things off with you!!!” and it would have been as equally obvious.
If he had good news, he wouldn’t wait to deliver it. So I know the breakup is coming, but I’m sitting here checking my inbox folder only moderately obsessively, wondering when the “Sorry, I like you but we’re not right for each other” email (or a variation thereof – “Sorry, but I met someone new,” or “You’re a great gal, but I don’t feel a connection,” or maybe even, “You are not nearly skinny or girly enough for my tastes, but thanks for playing. Later.” ) is coming.
Dear everyone who is dating or will someday date – for the love of all that is right in this world, like chocolate and summer and Netflix, if you’re going to break up with someone, just do it, especially if that person knows it’s coming. Don’t be a coward, simply state your case, get it over with and let both parties move on in whatever manner they see fit. Like get a facial piercing. Or whatever.
This feels like the mess of anxiety created by telling a kid on Monday that she’s getting vaccinated sometime on Wednesday. “But don’t worry, it won’t hurt. Much.” Are you kidding? That poor child will spend the next two days getting more and more worked up about the nurse walking in, taking out the needle and finding the right spot on the leg or arm to administer the injection. Before you can say “It’s just a pinch!” you’ve got a child worked into full-blown hysterics because knowing something bad is coming doesn’t necessarily ease the pain.
Buddy, it’s been 18 hours since you said you’d write to me. Making me wait this long is not thoughtful. Get it over with, I already know what you’re going to say, even as I hope I’m wrong.
Calendar image by Joe Lanman (handwriting text added by me) used under creative commons license.