Dating is fun. Dating sucks.
Meeting someone new is exciting. Wondering if that someone new thinks you’re exciting can suck.Trying to decide if you actually like that new, exciting person enough to keep seeing him can be confusing. It’s all like a complicated math problem where you have to determine whether the interest level of party A is equal to or lesser than the interest level of party B, and, well, let’s just say so far I’m not sure any interest levels have lined up quite right. And I’m not the best at math.
I’ve been on some bizarre first dates and some very nice first dates – during the course of some of those pleasant first dates I realized I couldn’t imagine kissing the guy, however, and during some of those dates I realized I wanted to be kissed. Of the dates I’ve been on recently, I’ve only actually enjoyed kissing one guy. Yes, I’ve had to lip-dodge.
Sidenote: Gentlemen, please don’t ask if you can kiss me. I don’t know if this is universal to all women, but here’s the deal – if I want you to kiss me and I’m interested, too, but you ask first, you kind of ruined that wonderful moment of anticipation. If I don’t want you to kiss me, I think I’m pretty good at making my body language clear. I will add that of the men who asked for permission, I did NOT want any of them to kiss me, but then I felt put on the spot and didn’t know how to reply. Hence the lip-dodging.
I’ve been on more than a handful of dates with one man in particular, whereas everyone else (please note that “everyone else” is not a gargantuan number) has been capped at two – either the man faded away quietly or I did.
This several-date-man has certainly piqued my interest, but I’m starting to think he’s not all that into me and/or does not want to make time to get to know be better. Yet he keeps texting me off and on. And we’ve seen each other 2-3 times a week since we met. Now it’s looking like it’ll be at least a week until I see him again, and that’s IF we get together again. For all I know he has dates this weekend and one of those women will rise to the top of his list and I’ll be history. It’s a complete mystery and slightly maddening to have to wonder! Maybe there’s really no quandary here, though – maybe if I have to wonder, there’s nothing to guess. If I have to ask myself if a guy is into me, wouldn’t that mean he probably isn’t? Kind of like asking permission to kiss.
This is another part of dating that makes no sense to me – I don’t know how to date multiple people, yet that’s apparently what all the cool kids are doing. “Dating is a numbers game,” and all that logical advice about something completely illogical as finding someone you click with, meaning the more people you go out with the better chances you have of finding “The One.” The problem with dating multiple people, however, is that you can’t just focus on one person, getting to know him without distraction. And you realize that if you are dating others, then the men you’re dating are probably dating others, too, and it becomes like this huge web of guys and girls all dating each other, juggling free nights and weekends and trying not to inadvertently text the wrong prospective love interest. I don’t like it.
This guy I’ve gone out with more than anyone else – I have to assume I’m not the only one he’s dating unless I hear otherwise. I don’t have enough dating experience to know if it’s proper or correct to ask if that’s the scenario. Is it after six dates? After six months? Never? No rules? I’m not looking for commitment here, we truly have barely scratched the surface of getting to know each other, but it seems like after a certain number of times getting together, you’d start to realize either, “Hey, this person isn’t for me, I think we’ll stop seeing each other,” or “I like this one a lot, maybe we should get together a little more often.”
Did I mention that dating sucks and makes no sense?
Except when it’s fun and you’re with someone and the conversation is flowing and you realize three hours passed by like nothing at all. And maybe he asks to see you again right away, or brushes the snow off your car that he’s made sure you arrived safely to, or maybe it’s the second date and he leans in for a kiss and you get all stupidly giggly inside and then he texts you later and you smile ridiculously huge just seeing his name on your phone. Ahhh.
Just wait, though – I know the time will come when my heart gets smashed to pieces by someone. I’m totally looking forward to that part. But enough with the fun predictions. For the present time I’ll enjoy the process.
Now, for your entertainment, some of the more off-the-wall things that have have occurred with dates:
* I told one man that while I enjoyed meeting him, I didn’t think we had a romantic connection. He wanted to know exactly why, and asked me to contact him in the future if I ever could specifically note reasons. Dude, either you feel like someone could be more than a friend or you don’t – it’s not quantifiable. Trying to make something like chemistry seem logical is impossible.
* Another man, whom I’d met just once, would text me several times a day (without me responding in between), insist he was super into me and wanted to get together, yet would only ask me to come over to his HOUSE at odd hours. Like 10:00 pm. Uh, yeah, riiiight.
* One man spent the first fifteen minutes of our date complimenting my appearance in various ways. If you’ve read my blog before, you know I’m not good at accepting one compliment, much less a dozen. At one point he said, “I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?” I admitted that, yes, I felt a little uncomfortable, but then he continued to say things like, “You are just cute as a button, my God.” How cute, exactly, are buttons? And why are you trying to make me fidget?
* Yet another very excitable man spent our date smacking my leg, arm and back for emphasis while he was energetically telling me about his work. Talked about himself almost the entire time. That’s the only time I wanted to check my phone to see how much longer I had to sit with him; I am typically pretty interested in talking to people.
Add to that some relatively mediocre dates with guys who were smart and interesting, but ultimately it seems we both felt kind of “meh” about each other and you’re left with two men I genuinely like, one of whom I’ve seen multiple times but I can’t help but think he’s feelings lukewarm about me, and one I’ve seen just once so far but we haven’t set up a second date yet.
I’ve been officially divorced for less than a year. I could be single for the rest of my life. Wow. Just think of all the stories I’ll have to tell.
Image used under creative commons license from David Goehring.