“Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody,” the song goes. I felt like singing that tune earlier today – it’s Friday and I had no plans. The kids are with their dad this weekend and my usual go-to night-out pal Hildy doesn’t feel like venturing into the evening. I scrolled through my list of Facebook friends trying to figure out who among them might want to grab last-minute drinks or dinner but I came up empty handed.
Apparently I’m the wildest person I know. And by wild I mean I like to make same-day plans to get out of the suburbs and stay out past midnight. I realize that my lack of prior planning may contribute to my lack of weekend activities – my friends with children or spouses might be more willing and able to go out with me if I gave them more advance notice.
So maybe I need more single friends who also don’t need to get babysitters or check in with husbands before agreeing to head out.
Everyone I know seems to be married or dating someone. Or they go to bed at 9:00 every night. I’m not knocking the need to rest, and I certainly understand if the married ladies want to spend their weekend evenings with their families (that’s why they are married and have families, after all), but I’m realizing I need to get out and meet more single or divorced women, but I don’t know where to find them.
I did recently join a new gym – maybe in my quest for toning this middle-aged body I’ll strike up some friendships during fitness classes? The women I work with at my part time job are either much, much younger than me or are married with kids. I do volunteer work but the majority of the volunteers are also married, and we tend to volunteer our time on an individual basis, anyway. I’ve looked up groups on Meetup.com but am a little intimidated to show up to an event by myself.
So on days I don’t have my kids I get bored easily and tend to do thing like agree to see certain men again. Time to confess that since I last posted about how alluring it was to receive attention from a man again after divorce, explaining that I’d give up seeing Tiger – well, I have been seeing him again. He didn’t contact me for almost two weeks after the last time I told him we should stop seeing each other, then the Tuesday after Halloween I got a text message with some innocent back and forth banter, then a request to see me again because he missed me. At that point I felt like enough time had passed that I had a good perspective and handle on the temporary nature of our non-relationship, and, I had to admit, I also missed his company, so I saw him the next day. And the day after that. Then this Wednesday and last night. And we have plans for Saturday. Last night his demeanor had changed just since the night before, however, and I’m not sure he’s feeling our arrangement anymore – I imagine I will soon have a lot more free time on my calendar again since the Tiger thing will likely (truly!) be over soon.
He said he’s staying in tonight – whether that means he’s actually staying in, has a date with someone else or just doesn’t want to see me isn’t really any of my business, I suppose, but having a Friday night to myself made me feel a little twitchy and unsettled.
I told Hildy I was going to get her drunk at lunch this afternoon so she’d agree to go out with me, but I don’t think that plan will work. I texted a woman I used to live near to see if she wanted to catch up, but I know her husband guards her extracurricular activities so she’s not likely to be able to go out, anyway. A friend who is usually up for last minute plans is out of the state. Then I texted another (married) friend who lives even further away from the city than I do, who’d recently confessed how trapped she feels in suburbia.
“Hey, any chance you want to go out tonight?” I asked, hoping that desperation doesn’t come across well in texts.
“I’m going out with one of my friends and she invited some other people. So if you would like come out and join us, feel free to do so. Let me know,” she responded back just a few minutes ago.
Hallelujah, my night is saved! But I need to figure out how to keep myself occupied for the future – there are going to be numerous Friday and Saturday nights (and holidays – oh, the holidays) when I don’t have the kids, don’t have the tiniest hope for a date, and all of my friends will be busy. Do I work on developing new friendships now so that I have more of a pool to draw from when it comes to my single-woman social life, or do I work harder at being at peace with being along on days I feel like everyone else is spending time with others?
As an extrovert, I recharge by being around others. I do like my alone time but I get more of that these days than ever before in my life – it’s too much to work from home a few days a week and have nights without my children. I require more human interaction that probably many other people I know, and I have quite a few friends who are introverted, and so cannot understand my neediness when it comes to getting out of the house with others.
I suppose putting an ad on Craigslist looking for new friends could end badly.
Any suggestions for me? Or, hey, if you’re free next weekend, want to hang out?
Image of the girls night out used under creative commons license from Tony Hisgett.